from the journal

“easyway”

You were watching Jerry Maguire explains how Dorothy makes his life complete. Jerry wants her back. Dorothy said, “shut up, Jerry. You had me at hello”. She laughs while tears fall from her eyes, “you had me at hello.”

Then your landline phone rings.

“Hello?” you said.

“…a…s…w…y?” the voice on the other line asked.

Is it this damned low-tech phone line or is it that heart-pounding-blood-warming-angelic voice that made you temporarily deaf?

“H-hello?” you asked again, the only word that your stupefied brain was able to come up with, hoping against hope that the girl on the other end wont think that you are a moron who learned how to answer a ringing phone.

“Easyway?” the sweet voice asked.

Easyway? This is not the Easyway. At that moment, you wished your home was the Easyway, wherever, whatever that is. Why? So you can ask the girl what you can do for her. And you thought you’re articulate enough but in that situation, all you can say, besides hello, was…

“Huh?”

“Is this the Easyway?” she patiently asked.

Yes! This is the Easyway. This is the easiest way you’ll ever find on this lonely earth, you silently screamed inside. God, forget my BMW, please make this home the Easyway instead. But you can’t lie to her. How could you even think of lying to a voice like that?

“I’m sorry, wrong number,” you said but you know she has no idea how sorry you were.

“Okay, thank you…”

The line’s dead, you’re alone. Is it possible? Is it possible to fall in love with someone after hearing her say eight words? After a less-than-10-seconds conversation? You didn’t even know how she looks like. Hell, you don’t know anything about her, except that she’s looking for Easyway or an easy way. Whatever. Who cares?

From this moment on, you won’t even go far from this phone. What if she mistakenly calls again?


***
Written in the late 90’s, when cellphones are not yet a must-have, and landline phones are still “in”. Later, I learned that “Easyway” is a shop located in the Manila area. And nope, she didn’t called again.

francis magalona (1964 – 2009)

Francis Magalona, a Filipino artist, died yesterday because of leukemia.

One may ask why give that much tribute to this person while there are other Filipinos who recently died, that have done far more nobler, greater things? That is a fair question and it deserves an answer.

For me at least, I pay this tribute to Francis M. because he was one of us, no matter who we are. And since he was family, it is but natural to feel the loss.

If you are the Pinoy “masa”, I’m sure you have watched and laughed with him watching him and the other “dabarkads” in Eat Bulaga, the quintessential Pinoy masa noontime variety show (incidentally, it was Francis who coined the term “dabarkads” which they use in the show).

If you love “loveteams”, Francis M. has “been there, done that” during the early part of his acting career. He was a matinee idol introduced in “Bagets 2” movie in 1985. Come to think of it, he was still a matinee idol because even though he was already 44 years old, he still looks young and “makalaglag-panty”.

Of course, for rap aficionados, he is the Pinoy rap icon (sorry Andrew E., no dice).

Even though Francis M. is a mainstream celebrity, underground and the so-called alternative crowd still considers him a cool guy, having worked in collaborations with some of the top and coolest Pinoy bands we have right now, bands and artists who also respect Francis M’s immense musical talents.

He was also a loving son to his parents, a devout husband to wife Pia, a great father to his eight kids, and a true dabarkads to his friends. Now, who can’t relate to that?

And during his time of sickness, he still maintained his coolness factor. He didn’t let the disease pull him down, he still kept his upbeat attitude towards life and yes, he asked for our prayers to help him overcome that pit, but he didn’t asked for our pity. He even was working with Ely Buendia of the Eraserheads, in a project called The Sickos (Ely too, has his own heart condition). Now, how cool is that?

He has his faults, I know. His drugs related arrests and then some but who among us have no faults? That, for me, is what makes Francis more human, more like us.

And of course, most probably didn’t know this, Francis M. was also an enthusiastic photographer, having won awards and the respect of his peers.

Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

***

the image above is for our francis m. tribute in our flickr group

my "firsts"

Two "firsts" happened to me last week. Last Sunday was my first time to join a Flickr photography group to shoot take photographs of four- yep, count 'em, one, two, three and four- models inside a studio. It was fun. All of the photographers (all fifteen of them) are easy to get along with and even though most of them already knew each other, I didn't feel left out at all. I learned a lot from them too. It was much harder than I thought shooting under "studio" conditions, compared to shooting in ambient, natural light.

Since there were 16 of us and four models, we decided to give each photographers 2 minutes each with one model to compose and shoot. I feel like I’m in a reality show and the challenge was to shoot good photos in 2 minutes. It was sort-of nerve wracking since it was my first time to do that. And worse, the models are really pretty. I get tongue-tied in front of pretty girls.

The other “first” happened earlier in the week. My sister won a cash prize on a texting promo of ABS CBN Interactive. Since she can’t claim the prize that week, she asked me to claim it for her. So, to Mother Ignacia, Quezon City I go. It was my first time to go on a network studio. It was, to say the least, interesting experience. There were four of us who claimed prizes that day. A nursing student who won free CDs from Myxx, a girl who won a Dyosa doll and a T-shirt, and a mother from Batangas who won something from Wowowee.

To cut this getting-long story short, the ABS CBN guy gave me the check but before I can say “see you later alligator”, he told me he needed to take my picture holding the check in front of me.

Uhhhhh… say that again? My picture? Like a mug shot?

Yes, sir, it’s standard operating procedure for us.

There I was holding the damn check in front of me, like I was in a police station caught soliciting the company of a hooker. Or worse, they might print it out in life-size form and one day see my life-size cutout in some mall, hoding the damn check.

Walking outside ABS, I called up my sister. “Bayaran mo ang kahihiyan ko!”

Dear Diary Blog,

It has been a long time since I last posted an entry here. When was the last time I was here? September of last year? Yep, I believe so. How have you been? How have I been? Lots of things have happened since, although there still remains lots of things that are still the same.

Barack Obama won the US election, that's good. But the world economy remained in the gutter, unable to stand up. My president (yep, I voted for her, unfortunately) GMA is still in office, her husband's name still pops-up in almost all scandals of corruptions that are being exposed but sadly, it seems we have to wait for 2010 for changes to happen. Unless a charter change takes place and extends her term in office, which I doubt will happen.

Lots of things have happened in my life, but I still remained the same in a way. Wish things could be different. I lost my passion for words, replaced by my desire to capture life in digital images. Writing is a lonely life. If you want to be a really good writer, you have to be prepared to live a solitary life, for it's hard to write good stuff when you're happy; except of course for the few very talented writers who were able to live a happy life and write good stuff at the same time, like Butch Dalisay. On the other hand, in photography, the more you learn to interact with people around you and your surroundings, the better your photographs turn out.

So for now dear diary blog, let me enjoy this camera in my hands. But don't worry, I promise to visit you more often.

Promise.

acts of immorality : plunging neckline

I was reading the employee handbook of company X, a callcenter company where a friend is working. Regarding conduct and behavior, they listed down types of acts and whether the company deem them as a light offense or a grave one.

• Discourtesy to supervisors, co-employees or the public = LIGHT (well, that is a light offense because 'courtesy' is a rare commodity these days)

• Conviction of a criminal offense = GRAVE (duh? "conviction" plus "criminal offense"?)

• Proliferation and/or distribution of "poison" letters, defacing of walls and removal blah blah blah = LIGHT (this is quite common in companies and most of the time, this is fun! -unless of course if you're the topic of the letter)

• Acts of immorality = LIGHT (uhmmmm... I wonder what the church will say about this)

But this, we should all be concerned about this next item on the employee handbook. This is... this is... to put it mildly, preposterous! Unconstitutional, even.

• Ladies Dress Code : Dresses/blouses with plunging neckline is not allowed. Cleavage must strictly not be visible.

Wow, that sucks! Who would want to work in there?

an open letter for the citizens of the united states of america

This November, you will go to your voting precincts and cast your vote on who will lead your country for the next four years. You will vote for your leader who will guide and protect your way of life.

Before you cast your vote for John McCain or Barrack Obama, please, please, consider also that it is not just your country that will be affected by your choices, but the whole world as well. Your votes will determine not just how the USA will be in the coming years, but almost every country on earth.

I am not an American, and I am in no way affiliated with any of your country’s political parties. I am from a third world country asking you to vote for Barrack Obama, and here are the two very important reasons why.

First, the world can’t afford another war in the name of fighting terrorisms. And from my vantage point, I’m seeing that Senator McCain’s legacy, if he will be elected as president, will be just like that of your President Bush: war. To quote Bush himself (based on what i read on a Yahoo! report) "We need a President who understands the lessons of September 11, 2001: that to protect America, we must stay on the offense, stop attacks before they happen, and not wait to be hit again,” said Bush. “The man we need is John McCain.” First it’s Iraq, then Afghanistan and recently, there was reportedly, a Bush-authorized military operation on Pakistan without that country’s knowledge. Then what’s next? North Korea? Iran? Russia? When and where will it end? I know that Sen. Obama also doesn’t rule out military actions on rogue countries posing threats to America, but he has also said that he won’t rule out peaceful diplomatic actions first. The Republicans criticize him when Obama proposed having talks with Iran’s leader. I’m asking, what’s wrong with that? Talk is bad? Would you rather your missiles do the talking with Iran? What if Iran talks back with their own missiles? What do we have? War.

You are spending billions of dollars on Iraq. Billions of dollars that you could have used better in humanitarian help to impoverished Muslim and African countries. Wouldn’t that be a better way of combating hatred against anything American? I say to combat terrorism, you must dispel the wrong views of those supporters of the terrorists that America and Americans are bad. If they will see that you are spending billions of your dollars on humanitarian help, would they still "terrorize" America?

In the long history of the USA, you were only attacked in your own soil twice by foreign elements. First by the Japanese on Pearl Harbor, second, on 9/11. That only means you are doing a good job on your national security compared with what the rest of the world is experiencing everyday until now. You don't have to be on the offensive always. You don't have to wait until you are hit again. Just be vigilant. And I don't believe that Obama will also let terrorists attack your country again. He can do that, you can do that, not just by attacking other countries first.

Bush is saying Iraq is a success; you have liberated the Iraqis against a dictator. Then why not liberate other people with dictators as their leaders. Start with North Korea and Iran. Thousands of American and Iraqi lives are lost in the Iraq war. Is that “success”? And what did this war really succeeded on? Where are the WMD that Bush says you will take out, as the reason in invading that country? They say Iraq is more peaceful now with the surge of additional American troops. Well, what do you think will happen to a place if you put a lot of military personnel, peace of course. But on a temporary basis only, until you go home, or until you let the Iraqis take care of themselves. They can do that. We Filipinos managed to take out our own dictator. The question is, how long will you be in Iraq?


The second and the most important reason is your economy. A weak American economy affects the whole world. Who is better equipped in reviving your economy? By McCain’s admission, he doesn’t know much about economy. And please do us, citizens of the world, do us a favor and study the economic plans of both candidates. Which plan can help you, in turn, helping the rest of the world? Don’t take the word of the leaders of both parties, do your own homework and study their proposals. Read about them in independent organizations’ reports.

The presidential race in your country is a tight one now based on surveys. I say, that shouldn’t be the case if you will base your vote on issues and not personalities. Half of the Americans are being swayed by the McCain campaign’s “change Washington” mantra. Two months ago, was that what the Republicans were saying? Was Sarah Palin anti-pork two—no, last month? The answer is No! They are saying that only now and half of you Americans are buying it. They are only saying that because they’ve realized that that’s what you wanted to hear. And half of you are falling for that. Unbelievable.

And here I am thinking that you guys know your politics, that you are wise voters. Well, now I can say that we Filipinos are not alone on this one, because we also elect our presidents based on personality.

If my views are naïve, excuse me but that is what I gather from watching, listening and reading about your country. If my views are wrong, I can safely say that my views are the same of that of the other citizens of different countries. If our views are wrong, help us understand you. Do that, this coming election.

the world i know

This was almost a closed blog. My last entry was November of last year. The reason for this is I now have someone to talk about things that, in the past, I would just write about in order to get it out of my mind. But something happened today that, even after telling her about it, I still couldn’t get it out of my brain, thus, the need to write.

About noon today, I was on a public bus going somewhere. I found myself sitting beside a man in his late 40s. I didn’t notice him at first, not until he spoke. He told me I could position the bus aircon duct towards me, if I wanted to, because it’s directly hitting his head. He said it’s giving him a headache because he hasn’t slept much in the last 4 days.

I’m not a fan of having small talk with strangers so I just gave him a smile and looked ahead. after pointing the duct towards me. After a while, he spoke again and told me that he’s from the province of Bulacan and he hasn’t slept much because her 10-year old daughter and 12-year old niece are in the Philippine General Hospital for four days now because they accidentally drank water with rat urine. They developed very high fever, somewhere in the 40 deg. Celsius, their hair started falling off, and their fingernails turned violet. Then his voice started to crack and his eyes became watery as he tells me that his niece died about 1:30 am this morning and about a couple of hours after, his daughter passed away too. He showed me copies of their death certificates issued by the hospital and pointed to me the exact time.

What’s worse, they couldn’t take the bodies home because they still have to pay the hospital about a thousand eight hundred plus more. He said that he went to the Department of Social Welfare and Development office to seek financial help but the death certificates lack the signature of the embalmer, and now was on his way back to the hospital. He was also supposed to go home to Bulacan because nobody knows that the girls were dead but he doesn’t have money for bus fare. The man was trying not to sob/cry when he was telling me all of those. Now, I wasn’t born yesterday. Usually, I’m a bit skeptical of these kinds of stories. I told myself that if this man asks me for some money for help, I might give him a small amount, if I decide to give him at all. But then, I was about to reach my bus stop (and he knows where I will get off) and he was just blankly staring out the window.

Before I get off the bus, I discreetly gave the man some money and, I think, he was genuinely surprised of my gesture. He took it and profusely thanked me. The amount was a bit large, quite out of my budget in fact, of what I would normally give to a stranger I didn’t know. I was contemplating of giving him half of what I gave him because, frankly, I need the money too, but at the last minute decided to give him that full amount.

I just told myself that I would sacrifice buying some things that I might really want but not necessarily need. I can make that sacrifice, I convinced myself. Besides, if I were in that man’s position…

After I got off the bus and went about my business, I felt good. But after a couple of hours, I still can’t get it out of my thought. The bad part is, I somehow felt conned, scammed out of my money. I know that what he told me is most likely true, and I should feel glad I was able to help them in my own way, but something is telling me it was a fraud.

Then it hits me. What happened to the world we live in, particularly this part where I live, that you were able to help someone out yet you feel bad, you feel conned? Are we living in such a bad community that nothing is genuine anymore, nothing is true and pure, nothing should be taken for what it is? Is this the world I know?

Or is it just me, grown cynical of everything? Did people like me made this world into what it is, or did the world made me into what I am?

from The Journal

sms

To some it’s easy, for me, it’s not. But I did it because perhaps, it’s something I need to do.

There I was, in my bed, one late afternoon of a weekend. It was a day just like the day before that, and the day before. The next day, it will be just like that day, and that’s what I’m thinking about at first. What to do about it, what to do? Then my thoughts began to wonder. What have I done with my life, my dreams, my master plan? Who was it who said that one is getting old if his dreams are replaced by regrets? Regrets, I do have regrets. But I still have my dreams.

Then I thought about the things I did wrong, the people I let down. Then I thought about my dad. I have a lot of things to say to my dad but I couldn’t say them. You see, this father and son are not used to talking about emotional mumbo-jumbo, something that is fine by me. Then, it happened. I got my cell phone in hand, typed a short message, the things I need to say, things I really need to say. I had a discussion with myself if I should send it. But I did, I did pressed “send”. A minute passed, two minutes.

My cell beeped. A message from dad. You see, I received quiet a few messages in my phone everyday but that one meant a lot to me. Okay, okay, so it made my eyes watery, a drop of tear almost escaped. His message is something I know he couldn’t say personally too. That would be too mushy for both of us.

I erased his message immediately. I could imagine he did the same thing.

taken from The Journal

are you 27 yet?

What’s with legendary musicians and the age of 27? Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin (pict on the left), Robert Johnson and Kurt Cobain, yep, all dead at 27. Cobain’s mother said, after her son’s death in April 1994, that “he’s gone and joined that stupid club”.

I know what your thinking. It’s that “selling your soul to the devil” stuff again. The deal, according to legend is the Devil will make you famous but he will take it back, with your soul of course, when you reach your prime. That’s what happened, they say, to “The Club” members. A deal is a deal. But didn’t you notice that all of them have the letter “J” on their names? Except Kurt. Maybe Kurt wasn’t suppose to be a “member” but he wanted to gate-crash the club. Or as reports now surfaces, his beau Hole front girl Courtney Love had him killed because she wants him to join those dead musicians. Who knows?

John Lennon. Letter “J”, dead. But at the age of 40. I have my own theory n this. It’s either the Devil is afraid of John starting a revolution in Hell and so the Devil didn’t honor the deal or Mr. Lennon himself is the Devil himself! Gasp! Remember his song “Imagine” and his comment about the Beatles being more famous than Jesus? O di ba? Di ba?

But the fact remains : Clapton is God.

xoxoxoxoxoxox

how to sell your soul

According to the book “Searching For Robert Johnson” written by Peter Guralnick, the late bluesman Tommy Johnson gave this account on how to dance with the Devil.

“If you want to learn how to play anything you want… and learn how to make songs yourself, take your guitar to where a crossroad is. Be sure to get there a little ‘fore 12 that night… have your guitar and be playing a piece yourself.

A big black man will walk up there and take your guitar and tune it, and then he’ll play a piece and hand it back to you. That’s the way I learned to play anything I want…”

The Devil on a crossroad? Or would you rather practice like hell instead?

taken from The Journal

where is my monday?

Oh, boy. Now what?

I thought today is Tuesday; yesterday’s naturally is a Monday. But whoa, Nellie! The GF told me today is Wednesday so yesterday was Tuesday. Then what happened to my Monday? I can’t remember. I can’t remember Monday. Hmmmnnn… think… think…

Maybe when I went to seep last Sunday night, I woke up on Tuesday morning, which means I slept thru Monday.

Or… or little green aliens from Mars abducted me last Sunday! They then replaced me with a clone, which became “me” that people saw on Monday. The aliens then returned me Tuesday morning, which explains why I can’t remember Monday.

Or a secret experiment was performed on me by a covert government agency, which steals memories from unsuspecting citizens. Maybe right now, my memory of Monday was stored somewhere in an underground laboratory together with the stolen memories of others. For what purpose? They know. Who are “they”? Just they, them, sila.

Or I simply forgot the day.

Or I’m getting old.

Or… or… or…

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

.

you

At some point, I said to myself that we Filipinos are ugly, if not butt-ugly. I even go to the extent of including the whole Malay race in that observation, the Malaysians, the Indonesians, the Thais.

I know that’s not a very politically correct thing to say but go to Quiapo, to Cubao, to Crossing in Mandaluyong and even to Makati. Observe. Although you’ll see flashes of beauty, but it’s on a ratio of 1 is to 10, di ba? On a really bad day, it’s even 1 is to 20. Though I don’t have any hard data or statistics on that, but you see my point right? Op kors, because they’re everywhere you look.

But then…

One fine day, I saw…

You.

Now, my whole grand theory burst like the Zeppelin balloon, “oh the humanity!” With just YOU as my proof, I now declare that we Filipinos are the most beautiful people on earth.

Thanks to you.

wag kang bibitiw

ang journal (bow)

Highschool pa lang ako, mahilig na akong magsulat. Nakakuha kasi ako nuon ng jourmalism classes. Kasabay ng pagiging loner (by choice) ko nung highschool, nalaman kong masarap palang kasama ang pagsusulat sa mga panahong kinakausap ko ang aking sarili. Oo, kinakausap ko ang sarili ko at kadalasan ay nagtatalo kami at hindi parehas ang aming paniniwala at mga opinyon. Karamihan ng mga usapan namin ng sarili ko ay nakasulat sa aking journal.

Ang journal ko ay katulad ng isang diary, ang journal ko ay hindi katulad ng isang diary. Hindi ko sinisimulan ng “dear diary” kapag nagsusulat ako sa aking journal. Hindi ko rin sinusulat sa journal ko ang mga araw-araw na pangyayari sa aking buhay. Sinusulat ko lang dun ang mga bagay na nasa isipan ko, mga bagay na bumabagabag sa akin, mga bagay na gumigising sa akin sa gabi. Dun sa aking journal kinukulong ko ang mga bagay na iyon para di na ako masyadong gambalain pa.

Matagal na akong di nakakapagsulat sa journal. Unti-unting natigil ang pagsusulat ko dun nung nagkaroon ako ng girlfriend. Sa girlfriend ko na kasi nasasabi ang mga bagay na karaniwang isinusulat ko sa aking journal. Mas masarap pating humalik ang girlfiend ko kumpara sa aking journal… ehek!

Nung nauso ang online weblog (blog), isa ako sa naingganyo dito. Ang unang blog ko ay ginawa ko lampas dalawang taon ng nakakaraan. Kahit papano ay madami ding nagbabasa ng blog kong iyon. Ang pinakamataas na narating nun ay top 49 sa Pinoy Top Blogs. Subalit ang mga sinusulat ko dun ay ang mga bagay na gustong mabasa ng mga readers. Kumbaga, nailagay ko ang aking sarili sa isang kahon na hindi pwedeng sumulat ng naiiba sa tema. Bagama’t akin naman ang blog na iyon at walang nagbabawal, pakiramdam ko ay limitado lang ang pwede kong isulat dun. Isa ito sa dahilan kung bakit ko isinara na ang naunang blog na iyon at buksan ang Lapsapan.

nasaan si kabayan?

Nasaan na ang bise-presidente ng bansa natin, si kabayan Noli De Castro, sa mga panahong ito na higit nating kinakailangang marinig ang kanyang boses? Nasaan na ang boses niya na naging pamilyar sa atin tuwing binabati tayo ng “Magandang gabi, bayaaAAAaannn…”?

Sir, nasaan na kayo? Ngayon nyo kilangang ipakita ang leadership qualities nyo, sa mga panahon na ito na maraming katanungan tungkol sa pinakamataas na pinuno ng Pilipinas. Sa mga panahong ito na maraming issues laban sa gobyernong kinasasapian nyo. Oo, marami din sa mga Filipino ang tinatawaran ang kakayahan nyong mamuno kahit pa binoto kayo bilang pangalawang pangulo ng bansa. Kung may panahon na kailangan nyong patunayan na mali ang pananaw na iyon sa inyo, Sir, ito na ang tamang panahon. Ngayon namin higit na kailangang marinig ang inyong boses.

Nawawala na ba ang boses nyo? Kung mawawala ng tuluyan ang inyong boses, may silbi pa ba kayo?

“The hottest place in Hell is reserved for those who remain neutral in times of great moral conflict” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

sayang naman

Nung nakaraang closed-door executive session ng mga senador at ni dating NEDA commish Romulo Neri, “on the verge” na raw ng pagsasabi si Neri ng lahat-lahat ng kanyang nalalaman tungkol sa anomalous NBN-ZTE deal subalit pinigilan siya si Sen. Joker Arroyo, isang admin senator at ni Budget Secretary Rolando Andaya Jr. Ito ay ayon sa several unnamed sources ng Inquirer.

Ayon sa ilang kolumnista, si Neri daw ang susi sa lahat ng mga katanungan tungkol sa deal na ito. Madami siyang nalalaman. Ayon na rin sa ilang kaibigan nito, sinabi daw ni Neri na ang nalalaman niya ay maaaring makapagpabagsak kay pangulong-salamat-sa hello-Garci Gloria Arroyo. Sinasabi din na natatakot si Neri para sa kanyang physical safety at sa maaaring ibagsak ng ekonomiya natin kung mag-People’s Power na naman tayo.

Ang sabi ko naman, “parang napapanood ko na ito sa pelikula ah…”

Unang-una, hangga’t hindi sinasabi ni Neri ang kanyang nalalaman sa buong mundo, mananatili siyang in physical danger. Hindi na siya pwedeng ipapatay kung nasabi na niya ang kanyang nalalaman dahil magpapatunaylang ito na totoo ang kanyang mga sinasabi. Tell the truth and he’ll be “untouchable”. Dahil kung misteryosong biglang nawala si Neri, alam na alam na natin kung sino ang nag-magic sa kanya para mawala at sa tingin ko naman ay hindi ganun katanga ang mga taong masasagasaan ngmga nalalaman ni Neri.

Pwede rin naman na gumawa siya ng video recording ng lahat-lahat ng kanyang nalalaman at ibigay niya iyon sa isang mapagkakatiwalaang kaibigan, na may instructions na kapag nawala bigla si Neri, ibigay sa media ang video recording. Hindi ba napapanood na natin sa mga pelikula yun? Meron na siyang bargaining chip para hindi siya galawin ng mga taong maaaring magpapatay sa kanya.

Maaaring natatakot nga siyang bumagsak ang ekonomiya natin kung magpi-People’s Power na naman tayo at maaaring natatakot din siya kung sino man ang papalit kung sakaling mapalitan nga si Gloria. Iniisip niya iyon dahil isa siyang economist. Pero dapat din isipin ni Neri na economist siya at hindi si God. Sino siya para kontrolin ang takbo ng mga Filipino at ng bansa natin? Tell the truth and let the people, the law decide.

Kung nuong nakaraang linggo pa sana nagsabi si Neri ng lahat-lahat ng kanyang nalalaman, sana hindi natalo ang Ateneo sa La Salle kanina nyuk-nyuk-nyuk…

Sayang kasi, may dalawang pagkakataon sana para maging proud ang lahat ng alumni ng Ateneo. Kung nagpakatatag lang si Neri (galing sa Ateneo) at pinanindigan ang values ng isang Atenista at kung nanalo sana ang Blue Eagles kanina.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Nag-Google search ako ng picture ni Gloria at Loren na naka school uniform at laking gulat ko dahil lumitaw sa results ang dalawang pictures na ito.

Dali-dali at nanginginig pa ang daliri ko sa pagpindot ng link papunta ng website at naghanap ako kung may iba pang pictures kaso wala na.


Sayang.

because i have been a victim of plagiarism, here it goes...

so, you're de-evolving

Do you find that your facial hair is starting to spread past your face? Are your knuckles a few inches closer to the ground than normal? Do you feel like you’re spending more and more time climbing trees and throwing feces at your friends?

Well these are the classic signs of what is known as De-Evolving. Don’t be afraid, a lot of people have gone through this phenomenon, and they are now settling fine in their respective zoos.

Hopefully, this guide which we have devised can make the transition from being a Homo Sexual Homo Sapien to Missing Link an easy and enjoyable one for you.

Identifying The Signs

Now, the first thing to do is to make sure you are indeed de-evolving. In the early days, diagnosing this condition was easy as pie. All you have to do is ask your friends one simple question:

“Hey, am I dumb?”

If the answer is yes, then you are either de-evolving or Chris Crocker.

Now, because of techno music, habit forming drugs, and Dan Brown books; it’s gotten hard to tell if people are de-evolving or are just plain dumb. But thanks to our research and a recent encounter with a de-evolvee, we’ve come up with a list of signs by which you can tell if you are climbing down the evolution ladder.

Loss of Common Knowledge

This is a very tricky thing to test for. First of all, it really depends on how much common knowledge you currently have. So for the sake of SCIENCE, we’ll work with what we like to call the Carrot Top unit of measure.

For example, ability to recite the whole alphabet is equivalent to 1 Carrot Top:


Ability to find your way back home is 2 Carrot Tops:


Ability to pee while not missing the bowl entirely is 1/2 Carrot Top:

And so on and so forth.

And not being able to come up with an original thought warrants the special rating of Carrot Top with Pie in Face (CTWPIF):

Now, if your Carrot Top rating goes way below half of a Carrot Top, or even the dreaded CTWPIF, then you better have your mail forwarded to the nearest zoo because that’s where you’ll be staying from now on.

Normally, people who can walk a straight line without bumping into things don’t have to worry about their Carrot Top levels. However, if somebody asks you “Hey, when’s your birthday?” and you suddenly answer “Orange!” then feel free to contact any of us to get your official Carrot Top rating.

What Next?

So your Carrot Top rating is dangerously low. What do you do? Your first impulse would be to create a blog and fill it up with content stolen from other blogs. But trust us, this is not the way to go.

Yes, we understand that you want to make others think that not only you can write a coherent sentence, but are able to come up with mildly entertaining blog entries, it would be better to refrain. Because you’re not fooling anybody. Also, plagiarizing is not the solution to de-evolving or “being a fat fattie” as it is known in the streets.

But if you do insist on creating a blog, don’t use a profile picture that hides most of your face with your elbow which rests on one of the ugliest canes on the internet.




Not only does it tell people how ugly your elbow is, but it also tells us that have a Mao Tse Tung-shaped growth coming out of your right shoulder. And nobody gets any respect from that. Even if your Mao Tse Tung growth can talk.

Sadly, the de-evolving process is irreversible. Once you’ve been diagnosed, there is no going back. Best thing to do is make peace with your fate, pack up on several dozen combs, and just don’t copy anybody’s work and pass it off as your own.

Look on the bright side, you’ll be eating healthier, you will get plenty of exercise swinging from tree branches, and best of all, you will lose all inhibitions about whacking off in public.

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Note: Inspired by Jonathan Coulton’s awesome song:

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see also (as of today, 12:03am):

Ade, The Man Blog, Squid, Coco, Fritz, Peter Juan, Baddie, Steel, Pau